Generative AI Will Never Work.

Unless…

Listen up, tech oligarchs; lend an ear, simpering brohanions. We’re doing this generative AI thing all wrong, and if you continue down your current path, your house of cards will fall, leaving all of us wanting, but most importantly, leaving you out of power. And given that you value power over all else, it strikes me it might be in your own self interest to consider an alternate path.

Here’s the problem: you’ve managed to convince nearly all of us that sometime real soon, generative AI will deliver us powerful services that will automate nearly every difficult and/or deadly boring task we currently have to perform. From booking complex yet perfectly priced itineraries to delivering personalized health diagnoses that vastly outperform even the most cogent physician, your AI agents have us starstruck, bedazzled, and breath-baited.*

The “agentic web” (watch that phrase, because it’s likely coming for Oxford’s word of the year in 2025) is tech’s latest nirvanic fever dream, and it’s a doozy. ChatGPT heralded its arrival, and its promises are driving literally trillions of dollars in market cap, hundreds of billions in technology and capital investment, and untold zillions of words of overheated press mentions.

But…there’s a catch. Turns out, it’s really, really hard to actually perform these kinds of…